


Heart in a Cage

by summerroad7



Series: Tender Is the Night [1]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Bittersweet, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not A Fix-It, but it's mild i swear, some smut maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 03:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerroad7/pseuds/summerroad7
Summary: Alex never put his heart on a leash. It ended up everywhere and somehow always in Miles' space.Miles always hid his.





	Heart in a Cage

Heart in a Cage

 

+

Alex had that awful habit of putting his heart into his pocket without even a string on it.

It ended up everywhere. There was this one time in their early days when Miles stayed in Alex’s home. He was about to go to the train station and get back to Liverpool while Alex declared that he could not find his heart.

Miles missed that train, helping Alex look for it. Eventually Miles found it jammed under the side handle of his suitcase. “Jesus fuck, how did it get here?” Miles held it in his hands cautiously. It was his best mate’s heart he was holding. Even if he acted all so protective and caring like it was the most precious thing in the world, Alex wouldn’t be able to tell Miles’ secret hopeless love for him.

“Oh, thanks mate!” Alex took it back and put his heart back into his pocket carelessly, blushing a bit out of embarrassment. “Come on, Miles. Let’s get out of here.”

+

It happened even more often when they were recording the first record in Paris. Miles found Alex’s heart in every corner of the hotel room they shared.

One morning he somehow woke up early and decided to make them tea. Miles was a blink away from pouring the boiling water into his tea cup when he spotted something red and moving inside.

“Damn it, Al!” He threw away the kettle in horror. Alex moved a little in bed and his heart jumped out of the cup to nest in Miles’ palms.

“Why can’t you put it on a leash or something?” Miles hissed, still recovering from what could have happened if he hadn’t casted a glance at his cup.

Alex grabbed it and put his heart under the pillow. Miles immediately missed the warmth.

“Couldn’t write shit if I do.” He murmured in an adorable low voice, not giving a fuck about the almost happened accident. “What about you, Miles? I’ve never seen yours.”

Miles nearly choked on his tea. “I don’t carry it with me. Left it at home with me mum.” He lied.

He felt relieved but also disappointed when Alex believed it.

+

In one of the afterparties after their gig, Miles was chatting with someone at the bar while Alex sat with the rest of the band. They had only three more shows left. He didn’t want to be at the same table with Alex all the time. It was already hard enough for him to leave Alex’s side without being with him for so long.

He didn’t even remember the girl’s name. She was just walking pass him and tripped a little on her heels. Miles quickly offered his hands to help her, his mind too tangled with the little prince sitting behind him to start a proper conversation.

She smiled at him and was about to turned away and ordered her drinks, when something hit Miles heavily right in the stomach. “Ouch! What the fu—” Miles doubled over. People around him all gasped in surprise.

It was Alex’s wandering heart.

He came back to their table and Alex was drunk. He gave Miles an almost smugly smile when he put the heart back into Alex’s shaky fingers. “Sit next to me, Mi.” Alex patted on the way too small empty space beside himself.

Miles sighed. He sat down and Alex’s thigh was pressed up tightly against his. Miles drank with him. Quickly, he forgot about his lonely heart hiding in the corner of his suitcase. There was no need for Alex to know.

+

To be fair, they still saw each other quite often even when they were doing their own things.

Alex’s eyes were shiny under the dazzling lights. Miles couldn’t bring himself to smirk with him when Alex was so close. He felt dizzy and happy and _almost hopeful_.

Alex pressed himself even closer. They were on the dancing floor in a packed club and nobody recognized them. Miles could have kissed him right here and they wouldn’t end up on the front page of anything.

Thank God he didn’t, for Alex flashed him a sheepish but sly grin, reaching into Miles’s trousers pocket and picked up his restless heart.

“Eh…stupid thing.” Alex chuckled, the shadow of his lashes quivering, dancing on his skin. Miles wanted more than anything to kiss him, but he knew the chance was long gone.

+

One week after Alex moved to LA, Miles received a call at 3 in the morning.

“Alex?” Miles was worried when he didn’t get an immediate reply. “What’s wrong?”

He received a muffled sound and then Alex giggled like a child. Miles rubbed his face in disbelief. “Al, are you drunk?”

“No, you idiot.” Alex scolded him gently. “Better.”

Oh. Miles groans silently. _He was high._

  
“Al, what time is it over there?” He asked, although Miles knew by heart the time in LA.

“Doesn’t matter.” Alex said. Miles could see in his head that Alex widened his eyes to make a funny face. “Hey, I may have left something in your flat. Can you have a look?”

Miles sat up. He was not going to be able to sleep anyway. It was better if he waited until Alex passed out. “What thing?” Miles asked idly, fidgeting in his own bed.

“Me heart.” Alex said like it was the most common case in the world. Miles was fully awake immediately and he jumped out of bed. “You better not be serious!” Miles shouted at his phone. “Is this even possible? Al, how could you forget your heart only to realize it one week after?”

Alex pouted. Miles couldn’t see but he knew it. “I didn’t forget it.” Alex was not making any sense. Of course. He was higher than the bloody stars right now. “Find it for me, will you?”

Miles did. He’d do anything Alex asked for, no matter how bizarre or dangerous or crazy those requests were. He found Alex’s heat in one of his guitar cases, the one he used during their TLSP tour. Miles’ own heart squeezed painfully at the sight of it.

“How am I supposed to give it back?” Miles complained. “No express delivery will accept a real heart.”

Alex was quiet for a long time. Miles almost thought he was asleep. He was just about to end the call and tried to talk to Alex when he was sober. Alex answered. He said in a tone that Miles was unfamiliar with. “You could come over to LA.” He was not joking. “I know you’d take care of me heart, right?”

Miles hated himself for being so predictable.

+

It was right after Alex broke up with Ariella and they were having a drink in Miles’ flat in LA. Alex’s heart was jumping freely on the tea table, looking a bit scarred but at least healthy. He had those scars on his heart, marking the end of every relationships and the loss of his important ones.

Those days Alex hid it better than before. The press was stuck to him like his shadow and although he still didn’t put any restraints on his heart, Alex didn’t let it wander around like before.

One good thing was that he hadn’t lost it for a long time.

They’ve been friends for so long. Alex hadn’t even seen Miles’ heart for once. “Is it like…black or something?” He mocked. “I won’t judge.”

“Fuck off. It’s rainbow color.” Miles said sarcastically. He had it hidden in the draw and locked it before Alex came over. He’d get a fucking safety box for it as a special prison if that wasn’t too weird and technically against the law.

Alex burst into laughter. He was on the floor and wiping away his tears, kicking Miles on the shin. “You evil unicorn.” He puffed out a satisfied sigh. Miles looked down at him and all he could think about was how beautiful Alex looked like this. All carefree and relaxed. He hair was unruly with no gel to mask his real self.

At this point, Miles had loved him for so long that it was no longer an impulse that threatened to drive him crazy. He was even able to fall in love with some else and be in a proper relationship and get on with his own life.

It was not like he was still expecting anything from Alex, or even from himself really. It became more of a habit, a constant throbbing pain caged by himself, a delusional image that only surfaced when he was too pissed for logical thoughts.

Tonight was one of those nights. He had too many whiskey and Alex was so close. His heart bumped itself onto the wooden walls, making a loud noise.

“What was that?” Alex tried to sit up and look for the source of the sound.

“Nothing, probably me parrots.” Miles shushed him. The words left his mouth before he knew it. “Let’s make another album, Al.”

Alex blinked at him with a confused, blank face. Miles felt like he had just made the biggest fool of himself, pleading for a meal-replacement when all he craved was something real. They talked about it every now and then, but it was supposed to be a never-ending joke, not something so honest. But then Alex smiled. He laid back onto the floor and waved his hand in the air.

“Why not?”

+

He was counting down the days after they finished the recording.

Miles felt like it was not the wisest thing to do, but he did it anyway.

It was always hard to decide whether he preferred the live performances or the recording when he was in studio with Alex. It was like an escape from a not so sweet yet endless dream. No pressure to please anyone in particular, just the vague idea to create something they both liked. They had a tour arranged and waiting for them. Alex seemed quite happy about it as well. It was rare for him: he’s a studio person in any day.

When they were younger, Miles used to feel belittled when the spot lights hit them both at the same time. Alex was there, small, quiet yet powerful. Miles caught Alex’s heart doing the weirdest things when he wrote songs. It was explosive, mysterious and fascinating.

He felt stupid whenever people only noticed Alex. Not that he’d blame them, for Miles himself only had eyes for him as well. There was jealousy for sure. It used to sting him a lot when Miles was more unsure about himself and it seemed everyone else was also bewildered by Alex’s “obsession” with Miles. The self-doubt and bitterness went away as time went by. Now he was left with only helpless longing.

“Read my mind, Miles.” Alex pointed at him when they sat down on the grass and the wind blew from the sea.

It’s their last day in Malibu. Alex shook his beer can with pointless concentration while his heart was jumping back and forth, landing onto Miles’s knees and then to Alex. He always had so many rather strange tasks for Miles to do.

Miles caught Alex’s heart in his hands when it launched itself to him again. “Oi, what do you want, you little demon?” He cooed at the beating heat between his fingers as if he was talking to a baby kitten or something. “You want something, don’t you?”

Alex lowered his head. He said nothing.

Miles knew he was right. But it didn’t seem to be a good idea asking what Alex was looking for in that particular moment.

+

The press went crazy when they were trying to merge into one on stage. It used to get Alex’s nerves when he was younger. But now he laughed at them. They taunted the journalists during interviews and sometimes when Alex was less drunk, he became serious.

  
“No, it was not like that.” He explained. “It was a different kind of love, you know?”

Miles was glad that he left his heart in the hotel room. Otherwise he’d make quite a scene.

Alex’s heart was a crazy mess when they performed. The crowd screamed with amusement when Miles tripped to avoid stepping on that little thing and ended up landing on his back, still playing the guitar.

It jumped at him and nuzzled his neck, before going away and back to Alex.

He fell out of the stage bliss in a split second. Miles got up and forced himself to not stop smiling.

His heart ached miles away in the dark inside his suitcase. Alone.

+

“…no Al, you’re not wearing that thing on stage. Wear me shirt if you have to.” Miles rolled his eyes at him. Alex glared at him playfully. He was really going to wear that T-shirt he slept in.

“Fine.” He threw his hands into the air and kicked open Miles suitcase. It was only the loud noise that finally made Miles realize he still had his heart in that damn suitcase. _Fuck!_ Miles turned back but it was too late. Alex stood still beside his suitcase with an open mouth, no sound coming out of his throat.

Miles rushed to grab his heart when Alex bent down, seemingly to touch it. “Why?” Alex asked, looking at him in the eyes. He almost sound accusing. “You lock it in a cage!”

“It’s specially designed for hearts.” Miles shrugged, trying to look as indifferent as he could. He always caged it when he was on tour with Alex. But Alex didn’t have to know about that. “It’ nothing.”

“It’s not nothing! It’s in pain!” Alex pressured him. “Miles, you need to let it out.”

“Al,” His voice became harsh. “Just leave it.”

“But—”

“It’s none of your business, okay?” Miles snapped. He quickly regretted it when Alex blinked back at him with hurt and confusion on his face. Miles felt awful. He was going to apologize when there was a loud noise on the side.

Miles turned to it out of reflex, and Alex’s heart knocked him right on the face.

“Sorry…didn’t mean to break your noise.” Alex said when he put an ice pack on Miles’ face. His nose was nowhere near broken, but it bled for a good 5 minutes. Miles glared at him when Alex was not even trying to conceal his amused smile. Liar. He muttered, holding the ice pack himself. Alex chuckled, his eyes gentle. “But you were being a jerk.”

“m sorry.” Miles hummed in agreement. He was. For a moment Miles just felt so naked and exposed. He freaked out.

“No grudges hold, since it already kicked your ass for me.” Alex looked down and his heart was sitting on Miles’ thigh, beating unhappily.

Miles tickled it. Alex gasped in surprise and started to laugh uncontrollably. They didn’t talk about Miles’ heart later that day.

+

The summer night in Paris smelled like the most precious days of his youth. Miles was afraid that it would always smell like that.

Alex bumped their shoulders together. They had a flight to catch tomorrow. The last show was mental and they both felt a bit unsteady after all the cigarettes and alcohol. Alex’s heart was dancing on the stage when they performed and now it was well-behaved, lying in Miles’ pocket. It sometimes landed in the wrong pocket when they were taking a bow.

They went back to Miles’s room and there was more wine.

“I want to see it.” Alex slurred. He always knew what to ask.

Miles could not think straight. He fetched his heart out and showed it to Alex. It was struggling in the cage, desperate and exhausted. It looked absolutely normal, not black or blue. Miles had a rather big heart and the thin metal cut slightly into the softness, strangled it a bit.

Alex noticed it. He looked like he was going to cry.

“It doesn’t hurt.” Miles lied. “I’m used to it.”

“I hate this stupid thing.” Alex reached out but recoiled from it when Miles’ heart shook violently. “You should at least find it a better cage.”

“Like what?” Miles smiled sadly. He was tired and drunk and didn’t want to have this conversation at all. Alex was not supposed to see it in the first place.

“Like a jar, the kind with a twist off cap. Or a pocket even.” Alex suggested. They both laughed. Everyone knew Alex lost his heart all the time. Pocket was not a good idea at all.

Miles gestured at the door. He didn’t want to, but he should. “You better go back to sleep. Can’t miss the flight back.”

“Why not?” Alex asked back. He had a challenging look in his not so sober eyes. “Give me one good reason, Mi.”

 _Because you had someone waiting for you back home and I was madly in love with you for like forever._ Miles swallowed. He was intended to say something sensible, but the words were gone when all of the sudden Alex’s heart escaped from his pocket. It went straight to Miles’s heart on the floor, knocking it over. The cage rolled over and soon Alex’s heart had it in the corner. It was determined to break that solid bars with its delicate self. Every try it did made shivers travel down from Miles’s spine.

Alex’s face furrowed in pain after a particular heavy strike and he let out a surprised, low whimper. The spell broke. Miles jumped up. He rushed to the corner, trying to separate them but Alex has a stubborn heart. It just wouldn’t let Miles took his own heart away like this.

“Alright, alright. Stop, please stop! I’ll open it!” He fumbled in his pocket for the key. “Oh my —come on, you’ll get yourself hurt!” It felt so strange when he was talking to Alex’s heart like it was a separate being when Alex was right here in the room with him. He opened the cage reluctantly, and his own heart got free for the first time in months.

Miles stared at it in horror when his heart struggled out of the cage and rolled on to the floor. It dodged his fingers when Miles tried to catch it, moving awkwardly to Alex who kneeled beside the settee with an unreadable expression.

_He was fucked._

Miles tried to get up and stopped it, but Alex’s heart must have hated him a lot because it jumped at Miles again, knocking on his tightened chest, making him fall back onto his heels. Alex offered his hands to Miles’ stupid heart. Those fingers were so soft and gentle. Miles could feel them, and it felt so different from holding those fingers in his own hands.

There was no secret he could possibly keep when Alex held his simple-minded, bruised heart. Miles took in a shaky breath and realized his face was wet.

He didn’t even have a reason to cry. Alex had been his best friend for years and they were still making music together after knowing each other for a decade. There was nothing in the world Miles would trade that for. He was not 19 anymore and he knew Alex loved him. It was just not in the best possible way. It’s nothing.

Alex’s heart was squirming on his shoulder. Miles offered his hand to it and it landed on his trembling fingers, nuzzling his thumb. When he raised his head up again, Alex was right in front of him. He got down on his knees again and put their forehead together. His breath smelled like alcohol and smoke and it was supposed to be awful rather than so heavenly.

“Tell me, Miles.” Alex breathed out. It was a require, a plea and a challenge all in one.

Their hearts were so close right now and Miles was light-headed. _Make the right choice._ He reasoned with himself. _Don’t be daft. You’ve been doing so good for so long._

Miles closed his eyes. He said those words for a thousand times already. But it was always a bit of a lie when he finished it with a laugh. His heart was a shivering, miserable mess in Alex’s hands. It was never his anyway, even if he kept it in a cage. It just wanted to go to where Alex was. Mile could never persuade it to stop.

“I love you.” He admitted. Miles was not happy when he said it. It was not how he imagined the scene should be: Not the right time. Not the right place. They were about to part tomorrow and Alex’s heart will belong to some else.

They were so close. Miles could have kissed him and no one else would know. They were drunk and pathetic and so many elements were here to blame the next day.

Alex pulled away. His eyes were darker than usual, and he was breath-taking when his face was clouded by sorrow and regret.

They all came to Miles at once: Alex lost his heart in his tea cup, his guitar case, his bloody pocket. Alex never put it on a leash and it run towards Miles whenever they were together. He never thought there would be anything more, for Alex let his heart do whatever it wanted all the time. Miles thought it was just one more thing Alex did anyway. He was always so special.

Alex’s gaze dropped down. It was years too late for even a goodbye kiss. The moment was long gone, and they’d just pretend the night didn’t exist at all. It was his own fault, Miles thought to himself. He was too scared to even try. It was unlike him. Anything associated with Alex made him hesitant and out of control.

He wiped his face dry with his spare hand. Alex’s heart jumped down to get back, but he was still holding Miles’.

“Read my mind, Miles.” Alex said to him before his neck bent like in a slow motion. It was a predictable and obvious move. Quick and innocent. Both an answer and a question mark. A start but also an end. Miles could stop him easily if he wanted to. He didn’t want to.

Alex was looking at him the whole time. He left a tender kiss on Miles’ heart.

Where his lips touched, the bruise was gone.

Yet Miles felt more pain than ever.

+FIN+

**Author's Note:**

> It was supposed to be pure smut but ended up being a mess (I had no idea what happened  
> I hate writing them in non-au settings because it somehow felt too much x This is the closest thing I could do sksksksk Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> As always, my English is embarrassing so please let me know if there's any mistake!


End file.
